What Would Emily Post Do?

Echos of Domino: StyleScope Home and Entertaining Quiz

by Anna Post

I was beyond bummed when Domino Magazine, the home cousin to fashion's Lucky, closed early this year. It was my absolute favorite, and in my travels this year I've met women around the country who commiserate. (True fact: I bid--and won--on eBay for the back issues I didn't already own.) I've kept my eyes peeled for signs of the Domino team, hoping their new ventures will offer the same unique vision for home and entertaining.

When it comes to entertaining at home, etiquette has a lot do with putting your guests at ease and making them feel comfortable, welcome, and delighted. Having a home and pantry ready to do this makes it all the easier. Deborah Needleman, founder of Domino and author of the instant-classic "Domino: The Book of Decorating", has teamed with Home Goods on their StyleScope quiz to help you define your home and entertaining style. At the end, she gives you suggestions on decorating, food, drinks, and lighting, all tailored to your quiz answers. (I was "dramatic modern"!)

It's fun.  And that's what I always loved about Domino--it was fun, not stuffy. Real, not staged (well, not overly, any way). And the quiz has an echo of what I loved most about the magazine--the joy of feeling inspired. So have fun, be inspired, and let me know what your style is below.

No More Headaches: Holiday Travel Etiquette Tips

by Anna Post

With holidays comes air travel for many of us, and with holiday travel can come crowds, delays and headaches. The clip above is from ABC News Now, and takes a look at holiday travel etiquette. Working with 3M privacy filters, I've put together a few tips with to think about while traveling, and a checklist to help you prepare before you leave home. While you can't control weather delays, traffic, or long security lines, you can be prepared to make it as easy on yourself as possible.

Sounds, Sights, and Smell

• Sounds: Use headphones to listen to music or movies, whether you're in the terminal or on the plane. Step away from others in the terminal to take cell phone calls, and keep calls while taxiing to the gate after landing brief.

• Sights: Reading over someone's shoulder is nosy and intrusive. Avoid the temptation yourself by coming prepped with books, magazines, or your laptop. Keep wandering eyes off your computer screen by using a 3M privacy filter. It's a thin film that sits over your screen and blacks out the view from anyone on other side of you, while you see the screen clearly.

• Smells: With airlines cutting back on complimentary in-flight meals and snacks, it's smart to come prepared. Avoid foods with strong smells that may bother your neighbors though, such as tuna fish, egg salad, or hot meatball subs. Enjoy these in the terminal instead.

Emily Post believed in practicality, and so do I. You can't always choose your neighbors on the plane or in the boarding area, but you can take responsibility for your own comfort and come as prepared as possible. Before you head out the doors to catch your flight, consider this pre-flight checklist:

• Headphones and earplugs
• No-nut snacks for the planes
• Eye shade for napping
• Privacy filter for your computer or phone
• Power up all electronics

Safe, happy, and temper-free holidays to you all!

New Twist on an Old Standby: FireFly Group Events Inspires a New Generation of Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

by Anna Post   

Sword fighting. That's all it took to catch my eye when I first came across FireFly Group Events, a California service specializing in helping to organize your bachelor or bachelorette party. They have numerous options to choose from, from the relaxing to the adventurous. I love the focus on quality time with your friends, not quality time in a bar you might not even remember later. (I live in fear of those little tiara's brides are made to wear!) And for those of you outside their sunny California reach, the site offers great inspiration. 

I like that there focus is on creating memories, not secrets. And if sword fighting isn't your thing, there's also perfume-making, stunt driving, and trapeze lessons. I'll leave you with a few other offerings that sounded fun:

• Spy School – Cocktail Making, Self Defense, & Sword Fighting
• Days of Thunder – Go-Karting & Beer Tasting
• Fishy Pints – Deep Sea Fishing & Beer Tasting
• Cruising Candles – Candle Making & Boat Cruise
• Baking & Basking – Cupcake Decorating & Mini Facial or Massage

Look to the Big Apple for Big Day Inspiration

by Anna Post

Traveling to New York this week I was thrilled to see the latest New York Magazine wedding issue on newsstands. I've long been a fan of their savvy approach to all things weddings: chic and modern, smart and sexy. The vendors may have 212 area codes, but the pages offer inspiration for all. My personal favs in this issue:

p. 24. Have an art student address your invites

p. 26. Modern cake toppers

p.  44. Stacey's wedding dress

p. 46. Melissa's hair piece

p. 57. Cake! Divine!

p. 61. Answering my book's question "Do I Have to Wear White?", no! (Love the purple option.)

p. 73. Leave it to me to love the Vera Wang "price upon request" dress...

p. 80. Flowers! Swoon!

p. 85. J. Crew answers every bridesmaid's wish: a dress you can wear again.

p. 91. Natalie & Pete's save-the-date

Real Weddings, Real Inspiration: Inside Weddings Magazine Launches New Website

by Anna Post

"Etiquette is not some rigid code of manners; it is simply how persons' live touch one another."

Emily Post said this in 1922, and I think it's worth saying again in 2009. Inside Weddings magazine, for which I write a back-page column, just launched a revamped website, insideweddings.com. The photos are stunning, and the ideas and advice are inspiring, and the fashion is sheer delight.

My favorite part is the "Real Weddings" section. With hundreds of real--not "real"--weddings to peruse, I felt like a little girl again, dreaming about the perfect big day. It's like the Sunday New York Times' wedding section--only bigger and better. And because they are real weddings, they feel something I don't feel often in this economy--they feel very possible.

Having lived in Italy while in college, the picture above, of a wedding at the Grand Del Mar in Southern California, drew me in for its Italian-like romanticism. I've never met this couple, but their story charmed my Monday morning. The focus of etiquette is how our lives touch one another; Inside Weddings' new website mirrors this beautifully by focusing on the real people behind inspiring weddings.

I love the focus on real couples--real lives--touching our imaginations. Which real wedding on their site resonated with you?

Business Etiquette for the Digital Age

by Anna Post

The public side of what I do as an author and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute trends towards the wedding world: I've written two wedding etiquette books, I am a regular columnist for Brides.com and Inside Weddings, I give media interviews on the subject daily, and I travel across the country to speak at bridal events and attend book signings at stores like Williams-Sonoma.

Granted, I also give many interviews on all kinds of etiquette topics, from talking politics to holiday tipping to whether or not it's okay to ignore someone on Facebook. But it's rare that the public sees what occupies much of my time: teaching business etiquette seminars.

My father, Peter Post, and I travel constantly around the country, and sometimes the globe, conducting private seminars for corporations, universities and colleges, and non-profits about the many advantages of business etiquette. It's rare that these sessions are open to the public, but last month I taught a public business etiquette seminar on etiquette in the digital age at Dartmouth College's Rockefeller Center.

Here, in all my pink-shirted glory, I'm excited to invite you to join me for an hour-plus conversation about business etiquette.

The Art of Etiquette

by Anna Post

 

Beautiful, witty, and made entirely from the pages of a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette, Virginia Fitzgerald's life-size "Dress of Etiquette" is currently showing at the Danforth Museum in Massachusetts. But don't go looking for one in your size, ladies: This wedding dress was made art, not for a walk down the aisle. 

Finding Insipration in "Lowered Expectations"

by Anna Post

Today's post is slightly off-topic: happiness. The New York Times runs a column in the opinion section called "Happy Days: The Pursuit of What Matters in Troubled Times." This week's piece, "Lowered Expectations" by Eric Weiner,  is so good I just have to share it with you.

Usually I write about etiquette as our relationships and interactions with others, both those we know (friends, family, co-workers), and those we don't (check-out clerks, waiters, fellow passengers). Often, I speak in terms of treating others with consideration, respect, and honesty.

This piece reminded me that it's important to first cultivate a good relationship with yourself to be able to build good relationships and experiences with others. Though Weiner isn't talking about etiquette, he is essentially talking about self-worth, something I find very closely related to self-respect and self-consideration. Besides, good advice is good advice, and if I look to the origin of this blog and ask, "What would Emily Post do?" I know she would say, "Smart man."

Weiner's article posits that having lowered expectations leads to greater happiness. He looks to a study showing that two-thirds of Danes state they are "very happy with their lives." He notes that Danish culture is one of lowered expectations, that in turn leads to happiness when expectations are exceeded. By contrast, he argues that as Americans we set our sights so high that there is bound to be disappointment when we fall short of our goals. And even if we do hit the mark, we have to then set a higher one or dissatisfaction will soon set in.

As an American, I find it hard not to dream big. But the key isn't to abandon big goals and high expectations, but rather to put our sincerest energies into achieving them, and take our happiness from knowing we gave it our best. In other words, we can succeed in our efforts, if not in our goals. As Marissa Mayer, a successful Google executive, said in this month's Vogue as part of a similar conversation about overreaching, "At least you learn something about your limitations." Weiner conveys a similar idea from the Bhagavad Gita, the Hindu holy text, quoting Lord Krishna, "Set thy heart upon thy work but never its reward."

The bottom line here is to be inspired to invest in building something positive, whether it's a relationship with others or the one you have with yourself.

Guest Blog: Harry Potter and the Model for Mannerly Muggles

With Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince releasing in theaters today, I turned to my sister and colleague, Lizzie Post, a manners-mad, Potter-loving Muggle to blog about the etiquette connections and inspiration to be found in J.K. Rowling's beloved Harry Potter series.

By Lizzie Post

The economy, and a frigid winter followed by a frigid spring left me feeling like the dementors of Azcaban had settled into Burlington, Vermont. I needed an escape. Not a vacation, but a true escape from reality. I felt the desire to seek happiness, a little encouragement…who am I kidding? I needed an out and out battle with good triumphing over evil! I wanted to watch as, despite all the difficulties and perils on the path, good actually comes out on top! Quick as a snitch was I to my book shelf, and my second journey through the Harry Potter series began.

I don’t just read these books again and again because the story is delicious or because it’s woven with such subtlety and purpose. I don’t read them because they were a phenomenon. I read them because the characters give me hope; they influence me. They make me want to be a better person. They stand up for what is right and good. Even when they falter, they learn and move forward. Could an etiquette expert ask for a better example of chivalry, honor, respect (except when speaking to Snape – excuse me, Professor Snape), valiance and unselfishness? Hermione, Ron, Neville, Harry, Lupin, Luna, Dumbledore, The Weasley family, McGonagle… oh, the list could go on and on! They are such wonderful examples of standing up for what is right, respecting tradition, and being welcoming and encouraging of others that I cannot even put into words how sad I am to have finished the last page.

I know that one day I will again return to Rowling’s wizarding community, and I shall have another few months where I live in a world of consideration, respect and honesty that so emulates the work of Emily Post: Treat others well, have respect for self, and always remember to laugh.

With Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince releasing today, I’ll share my thoughts on individual characters and scenes and their link to etiquette over the coming weeks. I invite you to share your thoughts on chivalrous behavior in literature and film. What characters bring out the good in you? What scenes make you want to be a better person when you step out for the day?

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to see a man about a wand. Mine only seems able to make ink stick to paper.

AirTran Introduces "Internetiquette" Tip Cards

by Anna Post

 

USAToday reported today on AirTran issuing "Internetiquette" cards in the seat backs of all of its airplanes in an effort to help travelers enjoy in-flight internet access--not annoy with it. Touted as "a guide to keeping everyone in line, while they're online," it's a great call for passenger awareness. Wi-Fi on airlines is neither rude nor polite on its own--it's how we choose to use it that makes a difference, and AirTran is right to make this effort. I reported on this a little while back, so I'll just reiterate the top tips:

1. Be aware of what's on your screen. Is it appropriate content for others to see in public? (Think R rated movies or confidential business information.) Use a privacy filter to avoid problems.

2. Always keep volume low, and always use a headset or earbuds.

3. Your seat isn't your new office. Papers fanned out around you are messy and inhibit your seat mates from wanting to ask you to move them so they can get up; hardly fair or considerate.