What Would Emily Post Do?

Wall Street Journal Names Emily Post's Etiquette a Top Five Best Etiquette Book

By Anna Post

Many thanks to the Wall Street Journal for including Emily Post's Etiquette on its top five best etiquette books. Other etiquette authors also on the list?

1. Erasmus
   
2. George Washington
   
3. Norbert Elias
   
4. Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr.

(Disclosure: The list's author, Laura Claridge, wrote the critically-acclaimed biography of Emily Post, Emily Post: Daughter of the Gilded Age, Mistress of American Manners. The Emily Post Institute was not involved in Ms. Claridge's creation of the Wall Street Journal list.)

Intel Survey Says: Tech Etiquette at the Holidays Still Matters

By Anna Post

Early this summer I read the results of a tech etiquette survey that Intel did with Harris Interactive and shared some of my thoughts about it with you. As fate would have it, I was lucky enough to collaborate recently with Intel on their Tech Tea, a press event held in October at the Russian Tea room in New York City.

The focus of the event was to release the results of a second tech etiquette survey done with Harris, this one focusing in part on the etiquette of mobile device use at the holidays, and to invite the press to join in a discussion of technology etiquette. I spoke at the event on a panel with Dr. Genevieve Bell, Intel’s cultural anthropologist (pictured with me, above), about the survey results and tech etiquette in general, and then we opened the discussion to the room.

The survey was a springboard for some great conversation with the press:

• Is it okay to use a use a laptop or cell phone while in a public bathroom? Everyone at the Tech Tea agreed: no way! But a whopping 75 percent of survey respondents thought it was perfectly appropriate.
• Can you use a mobile device during a date? A sensible 60 percent said no, and I agree: Your date deserves all of your attention.
  
  
• Does business today demand you be connected all the time? 55 percent agreed, and I think a number split down the middle like that suggests both a yes and no answer, something I would agree with. It depends on the situation, and on how we choose to react to it.

Dr. Bell nailed it when she said, "The social rules for new technologies are continuing to be established across cultures and geographies around the world, and etiquette will continue to change and adapt over time along with it." I couldn’t agree more, though I do hope we trend away from taking a phone call while in a public bathroom stall!

The Intel survey also took a look at how we use technology around the holidays. Since it’s that time of year, here are a few of the survey results, as well as some extra tips to get you through the season—and ensure you’ll be invited back.

1. Offline etiquette 101: Be on time for family dinners. No one likes waiting while the food gets cold!
   
   
2. To keep airport security lines running smoothly, 36 percent agree you should skip using mobile devices until you clear security. You need to pay attention, and your line-mates will thank you for being ready when it’s your turn.
    
3. No texting or app use at the table! A majority of hosts would be offended to find a guest surreptitiously checking a mobile device under the table. Leave them off and in your coat or bag, and wait until after everyone is up from the table to check your email or the ball game score. Are you the host? It's okay to announce "phones off!" with a smile at the beginning of the meal.
   
   
4. 87 percent agree: Never text or make a call during a religious service. If you really (really, really) must, first discreetly step outside.
   
   
5. Even though 88 percent of respondents say they wouldn’t mind an emailed thank you instead of a handwritten note for a gift, I’m going to hold firm and suggest you pull out the pen and paper: Sometimes the medium is the message, and this one says they and the gift they gave you are worth the time and effort of a personal note. (Though an emailed one is certainly better than none!)

Echos of Domino: StyleScope Home and Entertaining Quiz

by Anna Post

I was beyond bummed when Domino Magazine, the home cousin to fashion's Lucky, closed early this year. It was my absolute favorite, and in my travels this year I've met women around the country who commiserate. (True fact: I bid--and won--on eBay for the back issues I didn't already own.) I've kept my eyes peeled for signs of the Domino team, hoping their new ventures will offer the same unique vision for home and entertaining.

When it comes to entertaining at home, etiquette has a lot do with putting your guests at ease and making them feel comfortable, welcome, and delighted. Having a home and pantry ready to do this makes it all the easier. Deborah Needleman, founder of Domino and author of the instant-classic "Domino: The Book of Decorating", has teamed with Home Goods on their StyleScope quiz to help you define your home and entertaining style. At the end, she gives you suggestions on decorating, food, drinks, and lighting, all tailored to your quiz answers. (I was "dramatic modern"!)

It's fun.  And that's what I always loved about Domino--it was fun, not stuffy. Real, not staged (well, not overly, any way). And the quiz has an echo of what I loved most about the magazine--the joy of feeling inspired. So have fun, be inspired, and let me know what your style is below.

No More Headaches: Holiday Travel Etiquette Tips

by Anna Post

With holidays comes air travel for many of us, and with holiday travel can come crowds, delays and headaches. The clip above is from ABC News Now, and takes a look at holiday travel etiquette. Working with 3M privacy filters, I've put together a few tips with to think about while traveling, and a checklist to help you prepare before you leave home. While you can't control weather delays, traffic, or long security lines, you can be prepared to make it as easy on yourself as possible.

Sounds, Sights, and Smell

• Sounds: Use headphones to listen to music or movies, whether you're in the terminal or on the plane. Step away from others in the terminal to take cell phone calls, and keep calls while taxiing to the gate after landing brief.

• Sights: Reading over someone's shoulder is nosy and intrusive. Avoid the temptation yourself by coming prepped with books, magazines, or your laptop. Keep wandering eyes off your computer screen by using a 3M privacy filter. It's a thin film that sits over your screen and blacks out the view from anyone on other side of you, while you see the screen clearly.

• Smells: With airlines cutting back on complimentary in-flight meals and snacks, it's smart to come prepared. Avoid foods with strong smells that may bother your neighbors though, such as tuna fish, egg salad, or hot meatball subs. Enjoy these in the terminal instead.

Emily Post believed in practicality, and so do I. You can't always choose your neighbors on the plane or in the boarding area, but you can take responsibility for your own comfort and come as prepared as possible. Before you head out the doors to catch your flight, consider this pre-flight checklist:

• Headphones and earplugs
• No-nut snacks for the planes
• Eye shade for napping
• Privacy filter for your computer or phone
• Power up all electronics

Safe, happy, and temper-free holidays to you all!

New Twist on an Old Standby: FireFly Group Events Inspires a New Generation of Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

by Anna Post   

Sword fighting. That's all it took to catch my eye when I first came across FireFly Group Events, a California service specializing in helping to organize your bachelor or bachelorette party. They have numerous options to choose from, from the relaxing to the adventurous. I love the focus on quality time with your friends, not quality time in a bar you might not even remember later. (I live in fear of those little tiaras brides are made to wear!) And for those of you outside their sunny California reach, the site offers great inspiration. 

I like that there focus is on creating memories, not secrets. And if sword fighting isn't your thing, there's also perfume-making, stunt driving, and trapeze lessons. I'll leave you with a few other offerings that sounded fun:

• Spy School – Cocktail Making, Self Defense, & Sword Fighting
• Days of Thunder – Go-Karting & Beer Tasting
• Fishy Pints – Deep Sea Fishing & Beer Tasting
• Cruising Candles – Candle Making & Boat Cruise
• Baking & Basking – Cupcake Decorating & Mini Facial or Massage

Look to the Big Apple for Big Day Inspiration

by Anna Post

Traveling to New York this week I was thrilled to see the latest New York Magazine wedding issue on newsstands. I've long been a fan of their savvy approach to all things weddings: chic and modern, smart and sexy. The vendors may have 212 area codes, but the pages offer inspiration for all. My personal favs in this issue:

p. 24. Have an art student address your invites

p. 26. Modern cake toppers

p.  44. Stacey's wedding dress

p. 46. Melissa's hair piece

p. 57. Cake! Divine!

p. 61. Answering my book's question "Do I Have to Wear White?", no! (Love the purple option.)

p. 73. Leave it to me to love the Vera Wang "price upon request" dress...

p. 80. Flowers! Swoon!

p. 85. J. Crew answers every bridesmaid's wish: a dress you can wear again.

p. 91. Natalie & Pete's save-the-date

Real Weddings, Real Inspiration: Inside Weddings Magazine Launches New Website

by Anna Post

"Etiquette is not some rigid code of manners; it is simply how persons' live touch one another."

Emily Post said this in 1922, and I think it's worth saying again in 2009. Inside Weddings magazine, for which I write a back-page column, just launched a revamped website, insideweddings.com. The photos are stunning, and the ideas and advice are inspiring, and the fashion is sheer delight.

My favorite part is the "Real Weddings" section. With hundreds of real--not "real"--weddings to peruse, I felt like a little girl again, dreaming about the perfect big day. It's like the Sunday New York Times' wedding section--only bigger and better. And because they are real weddings, they feel something I don't feel often in this economy--they feel very possible.

Having lived in Italy while in college, the picture above, of a wedding at the Grand Del Mar in Southern California, drew me in for its Italian-like romanticism. I've never met this couple, but their story charmed my Monday morning. The focus of etiquette is how our lives touch one another; Inside Weddings' new website mirrors this beautifully by focusing on the real people behind inspiring weddings.

I love the focus on real couples--real lives--touching our imaginations. Which real wedding on their site resonated with you?

Business Etiquette for the Digital Age

by Anna Post

The public side of what I do as an author and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute trends towards the wedding world: I've written two wedding etiquette books, I am a regular columnist for Brides.com and Inside Weddings, I give media interviews on the subject daily, and I travel across the country to speak at bridal events and attend book signings at stores like Williams-Sonoma.

Granted, I also give many interviews on all kinds of etiquette topics, from talking politics to holiday tipping to whether or not it's okay to ignore someone on Facebook. But it's rare that the public sees what occupies much of my time: teaching business etiquette seminars.

My father, Peter Post, and I travel constantly around the country, and sometimes the globe, conducting private seminars for corporations, universities and colleges, and non-profits about the many advantages of business etiquette. It's rare that these sessions are open to the public, but last month I taught a public business etiquette seminar on etiquette in the digital age at Dartmouth College's Rockefeller Center.

Here, in all my pink-shirted glory, I'm excited to invite you to join me for an hour-plus conversation about business etiquette.

The Art of Etiquette

by Anna Post

 

Beautiful, witty, and made entirely from the pages of a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette, Virginia Fitzgerald's life-size "Dress of Etiquette" is currently showing at the Danforth Museum in Massachusetts. But don't go looking for one in your size, ladies: This wedding dress was made art, not for a walk down the aisle. 

Finding Insipration in "Lowered Expectations"

by Anna Post

Today's post is slightly off-topic: happiness. The New York Times runs a column in the opinion section called "Happy Days: The Pursuit of What Matters in Troubled Times." This week's piece, "Lowered Expectations" by Eric Weiner,  is so good I just have to share it with you.

Usually I write about etiquette as our relationships and interactions with others, both those we know (friends, family, co-workers), and those we don't (check-out clerks, waiters, fellow passengers). Often, I speak in terms of treating others with consideration, respect, and honesty.

This piece reminded me that it's important to first cultivate a good relationship with yourself to be able to build good relationships and experiences with others. Though Weiner isn't talking about etiquette, he is essentially talking about self-worth, something I find very closely related to self-respect and self-consideration. Besides, good advice is good advice, and if I look to the origin of this blog and ask, "What would Emily Post do?" I know she would say, "Smart man."

Weiner's article posits that having lowered expectations leads to greater happiness. He looks to a study showing that two-thirds of Danes state they are "very happy with their lives." He notes that Danish culture is one of lowered expectations, that in turn leads to happiness when expectations are exceeded. By contrast, he argues that as Americans we set our sights so high that there is bound to be disappointment when we fall short of our goals. And even if we do hit the mark, we have to then set a higher one or dissatisfaction will soon set in.

As an American, I find it hard not to dream big. But the key isn't to abandon big goals and high expectations, but rather to put our sincerest energies into achieving them, and take our happiness from knowing we gave it our best. In other words, we can succeed in our efforts, if not in our goals. As Marissa Mayer, a successful Google executive, said in this month's Vogue as part of a similar conversation about overreaching, "At least you learn something about your limitations." Weiner conveys a similar idea from the Bhagavad Gita, the Hindu holy text, quoting Lord Krishna, "Set thy heart upon thy work but never its reward."

The bottom line here is to be inspired to invest in building something positive, whether it's a relationship with others or the one you have with yourself.