The Art of Etiquette

by Anna Post

 

Beautiful, witty, and made entirely from the pages of a copy of Emily Post's Etiquette, Virginia Fitzgerald's life-size "Dress of Etiquette" is currently showing at the Danforth Museum in Massachusetts. But don't go looking for one in your size, ladies: This wedding dress was made art, not for a walk down the aisle. 

Comments

[Dianne]

Hi Anna!
I'm looking for "proper wedding etiquette" for my husbands son's upcoming wedding. We were married after his son was older. While our relationship is not "bad", neither is it a close one. I'm just not sure "what" my role is, if any and I want to do the right thing.
Not wanting to feel awkward,

[Anna Post]

Hi Dianne,

First, I like that you are even thinking to ask this important question--it shows you are aware of both traditional roles and your own relationship with your son. Awareness is the part of etiquette I can't trigger for others, but it's the base for being considerate and respectful of others.

My advice is to ask your son exactly what you asked me: "I'm not sure what my role might be, but know that I'm happy to participate."

Typically, you would participate in any financial conversations your husband has with the couple about the wedding budget. If his mother is alive and part of his life, you and your husband would want to speak with her about joint arrangements for the rehearsal dinner, traditionally the provenance of the groom's family to host.

You will be seated with your husband at the service and the reception, and will be in photos with him. The mothers and step-mothers of the couple usually confer about their attire, so as not to be matchy-matchy. The groom's mother defers to the bride's mother (ie, lets her pick her colors first), and you would then defer to the groom's biological mother.

Beyond that, being interested and supportive is a great place to start!

Congratulations to you and your family,

Anna