What Would Emily Post Do?

Guest Blog: Harry Potter and the Model for Mannerly Muggles

With Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince releasing in theaters today, I turned to my sister and colleague, Lizzie Post, a manners-mad, Potter-loving Muggle to blog about the etiquette connections and inspiration to be found in J.K. Rowling's beloved Harry Potter series.

By Lizzie Post

The economy, and a frigid winter followed by a frigid spring left me feeling like the dementors of Azcaban had settled into Burlington, Vermont. I needed an escape. Not a vacation, but a true escape from reality. I felt the desire to seek happiness, a little encouragement…who am I kidding? I needed an out and out battle with good triumphing over evil! I wanted to watch as, despite all the difficulties and perils on the path, good actually comes out on top! Quick as a snitch was I to my book shelf, and my second journey through the Harry Potter series began.

I don’t just read these books again and again because the story is delicious or because it’s woven with such subtlety and purpose. I don’t read them because they were a phenomenon. I read them because the characters give me hope; they influence me. They make me want to be a better person. They stand up for what is right and good. Even when they falter, they learn and move forward. Could an etiquette expert ask for a better example of chivalry, honor, respect (except when speaking to Snape – excuse me, Professor Snape), valiance and unselfishness? Hermione, Ron, Neville, Harry, Lupin, Luna, Dumbledore, The Weasley family, McGonagle… oh, the list could go on and on! They are such wonderful examples of standing up for what is right, respecting tradition, and being welcoming and encouraging of others that I cannot even put into words how sad I am to have finished the last page.

I know that one day I will again return to Rowling’s wizarding community, and I shall have another few months where I live in a world of consideration, respect and honesty that so emulates the work of Emily Post: Treat others well, have respect for self, and always remember to laugh.

With Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince releasing today, I’ll share my thoughts on individual characters and scenes and their link to etiquette over the coming weeks. I invite you to share your thoughts on chivalrous behavior in literature and film. What characters bring out the good in you? What scenes make you want to be a better person when you step out for the day?

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to see a man about a wand. Mine only seems able to make ink stick to paper.

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Blog Comments: A New Civility Barometer?

While in L.A. on a recent business trip, I heard an ad on the hotel TV for the new BMW hydrogen 7. I was up to my elbows trying to repack my suitcase, so I didn't actually see it, but back here in Vermont a little googling brought me to a blog about it on treehugger.com. As I read down through the comments, I noticed something at the bottom: The "post a comment" button doesn't say "post a comment"; it says, "post an intelligent and civil comment." Hey now--that's a little different. The next day, two different friends forwarded me this piece on civility in commenting from the Miami Herald. Seems like the fates are trying to bring something to my attention, so I'm going to play nice with karma and bring it to yours, too.

I'm cringing a little as I type, knowing that a blogger blogging about a code of conduct for leaving comments is the electronic equivalent of putting a "kick me" sign on my backside. All the same, here goes. There has long been a debate in the blogging community about whether or not to police comments. Almost a year ago, The New York Times did a piece on this topic, and I think it's worth a revisit. This may not come as a big shocker, but I'm all for a little civility on the web.

In essence, the internet is (for better or worse) the last Wild West we have left to us; a place that is slowing going the way of Dodge City, but that still has lots of places that are, if not ungoverned, at least governed with the lightest touch. It makes a for a pretty raw reflection of who we are and how we express ourselves--a true barometer of our civility, if you will. But I think it's also something else--I think it's a forum to decide who we want to become as a society.

Our society here in America is synonymous with freedom of speech, yes, but not freedom from accountability. Words have power, and with power comes responsibility. The words in blogs and their comments are a form of communication, a form of interaction between anyone who writes and/or reads them. I'm going to lean on an old quote from Emily Post herself: "Whenever two people's lives affect one another, you have etiquette." You may not see or even know the person whose words you are reading, but they can engender very strong, personal reactions all the same.

If part of blogging and commenting is to take part in a global conversation--an exchange of ideas--I believe it's important to think about what our purpose is when we choose to participate. In most cases, it's to share a thought you're excited about, or to make a counterpoint to someone else in an effort to set a record straight or make a clarification. I can't think of a single case where leaving a profane or hateful comment will bring about a positive, constructive change. This doesn't mean that I think people can't disagree; in fact I'd encourage people to talk about points of difference, as it invites communication, something I talk a lot about on the job. The better our communication, the greater our understanding becomes, and the more connections we can make with people who hold similar interests. All of this hopefully leads to the generation of exciting new ideas and possibilities. I simply add my support to expressing yourself with the principles of etiquette: consideration, honesty and respect. Who wouldn't want to be treated that way?

 

Ending Etiquette for Muggles

I think Emily Post would have loved Harry Potter. She raised two boys, and told wonderful narrative tales herself. I can say with all certainty that she wouldn't have thought it good manners to wreck the ending for anyone. Spoilers are already out there, and will be especially hard to miss once the book has been out for a few days--or even just a few minutes. Personally, I plan to avoid the internet until I'm done, so please forgive me if I disappear for a little bit. As I'm sure this one will be as good as the others, I'm hoping to be done late on Saturday (frankly, I doubt I'd be able to sleep once I start!) I know I'm going to have a hard enough time not reading the last page myself; I certainly don't need anyone else blowing it for me!

So I'll be direct here. In your enthusiasm to talk about Harry Potter, be considerate. Don't give away the ending. Instead, ask someone first if they've finished. And ask neutrally. If Harry dies, don't ask in a tear-choked voice that leaves no doubt as to the outcome. I hope he lives, but no matter what the ending is, I want to enjoy it in my own sweet time.