What Would Emily Post Do?

Amy Kuschel Bridal Show

I was hoping to be able to make Amy Kuschel's bridal fashion show this weekend in New York City, but my personal life is taking me to Martha's Vineyard instead (where Amy's bridal gowns are available at Tulle on Winter Street in Edgartown).

Amy's designs have been described as being for hip, clever, charming brides--all traits I'd love for my own gown to reflect someday. Effortlessly romantic with modern silhouettes and well-edited details, Amy's gowns offer something for everyone.

After taking a quick peek at what's currently available on her site, I wanted to share my favorites with all you brides who are in the market for your dream dress--I'm not there yet myself, but I'm going to indulge for a minute and pretend.

 

The Adrian II I love this classic look--it's very elegant and romantic without being fussy.

The Genevieve Sweet and modern at the same time, I'm betting that this moves beautifully when you walk. 

The Celeste This is darling! The French lace softens this simple, chic column. 

What do you think of my picks? Which others gowns caught your eye, or which dress is most like the one you had on your wedding day?

Nearly Weds Set A Nice Pace In the Race To The Altar

In the interest of full disclosure, today's feature, the DC Nearly Weds blog came to my attention when they recently highlighted my aunt Peggy Post's planner Emily Post's Wedding Planner on their site.  That said, what a gem of a find! (Also in the interest of laying my cards on the table, I used to live in DC, though I don't think I know any of these ladies.) The blog has fresh ideas, such as reusable grocery bags for the OOT bags--or out of town (gift) bags for those of you not in the thick of wedding planning. It also shares real frustrations (not bridezilla ones) and gives advice from lessons learned. All in all it's worth a look for any nearly weds out there. Enjoy!

The Evolution Of Modern Etiquette In Action

 Let me give you all a piece of advice: If someone at Williams-Sonoma invites you to dinner, you say yes. Even if it means getting on a plane and flying across the country, as I did. These guys know what they are about when they pick a restaurant. I met three lovely W-S employees at A16, a terrific Italian restaurant in  San Francisco's Cow Hollow neighborhood. The food, the wine, the company--all worth the pillow-less JetBlue flights from little Burlington, VT.

And so was this gem of a story. It turns out that when Chuck Williams first opened his store in San Francisco on Sutter Street in 1958 he had a favorite customer ask him for a favor: a registry.

This customer's daughter was engaged to be married, but she didn't want the usual silver and china. She wanted to register for things to stock her kitchen and to entertain with--practical things.  At that time, brides only registered for silver and china and they only did it at department and specialty stores like Gump's.  They did not register for everyday items like cooking utensils and baking pans. So Mr. Williams made a list of the practical items the bride wanted on a small tablet pad and as guests came in to buy gifts he would wrap them with the same pineapple symbol they use today (a symbol of hospitality, in case any of you were wondering) and he would check each gift off the list.

And so the wedding registry as we know it, organizational God-send to couples and their wedding guests everywhere, was born. I absolutely love learning the stories behind the traditions we hold on to, and this was one I hadn't known before.

It fascinates me to see how etiquette and traditions evolve and change as the demands of what we really need in our lives evolves and change, too.  A demand was created by modern, less formal brides and a need was met by an industry market and accepted by society. Voila.

Take the wedding invitation RSVP card, for example. A few decades back (I keep trying to pin down the date--if you know about what year this entered mainstream culture, please let me know) no one would ever have included a reply card in a wedding invitation. Guests knew that they were supposed to get out their stationery and draft a correctly worded reply in a timely manner. Yet guests began to fail to play their part, leaving frustrated hosts without any idea who was coming or what numbers to give to caterers. Enter the reply card, a simple place to write your name and, second grade-style, check yes or no if you are coming. 

Nowadays, only the highest of sticklers would turn their nose up at an RSVP card. They're almost standard (though not required), and have an etiquette of their own when used (include a pre-addressed, stamped return envelope). Society changed and had a new need, which stationers responded to. And it may be about to happen again. Now I'm starting to see registry cards included in invitations for weddings, wedding showers and baby showers.

This is a bit of fine line--we need registry information because pretty much everyone uses them for these events, and yet no one wants to look like they are greedy for gifts. As it stands now it's fine to throw a registry card in with a wedding shower or baby shower invitation, but not for a wedding. The point of a shower is literally to give gifts, so there's no surprise there when gift info comes enclosed--it's helpful. But note that it's not on the invite itself--the invite is reserved for the message that your host hopes you can come, period. With weddings, it's not about the gifts at all, even though we all know one is required. This keeps the focus only on enjoying the event with the people you love--a very important message. So there is no good reason to have gift info enclosed, as it could easily send the message that you are only inviting someone for their gift.

But, let's face it. We're all busy. We all give gifts when invited to a wedding (whether we attend or not). A registry card really could become quite helpful, right there along with the info about flights, hotels and local attractions that most couples include. So I ask you: would you like to see registry cards become a new, convenient norm to help cut to the inevitable chase in your busy life, or would you feel as though it wasn't about your company anymore and just about the loot you're now required to give?

Wedding Registries Shift From Tiffany Blue To Eco Green

Poking around on one of my new favorite sites, Ideal Bite, a website dedicated to providing daily tips for living green, I found a post from about a year ago on green wedding registries. Their list is still pretty comprehensive; my research didn't pull up any new sites I'd add. It got me Googling, though, and I was also really impressed with an entry on green weddings from the Sierra Club's blog (jump to item nine for info on registries).

So, etiquette-wise, is it okay to have a green registry? Sure! It's a nice way to spread a little awareness and still get what you want, while also supporting manufacturers of eco-friendly items. Not a bad package! Just be aware that if a lot of the items you request are very untraditional, your great aunt may still send you a blender. The choice of gift, in the end, is always up to the giver.

Remember, too, that another way to be green is not to consume at all (eliminating CO2 emissions from product shipment, as well as the byproduct and waste of manufacturing and packaging). Requesting "no gifts, please" is one way to achieve this; another is to ask for donations to be made in your name to your favorite charity.

Last little piece of raw etiquette: mention of gifts or registries, even "no gifts, please," should NEVER be made anywhere on your wedding invitation. (Instead, inform your wedding party and your close friends and family about your registry, and spread the news by word of mouth.)

This isn't to make your life tough; it's to ensure that the focus of your invitation is on hoping that the recipients can attend and share in this day, not on their sending you a gift. There are few ironclad etiquette traditions left, but this is one, and I have to say, one I'm proud to stand behind as it keeps the focus on the people, not the things--a green concept if ever there was one.

It's Cloud Nine Here in L.A.

It's my first trip to L.A., and I was taken straight to Cloud Nine. Literally. After a 4 a.m. wake-up call on the East Coast (where it was an unforgiving -10), I found myself at 4 p.m. on an L.A. freeway in sunny 70 degree weather headed for Claremont, CA, where I had a book signing that evening at Cloud Nine, a terrific stationery store on the main street. The owners, Dina and Joanne, who are also independent wedding and event planners, were so welcoming when I arrived, making it easy to settle in. They gave me a tour of their store, where they have put together a great mix of boxed stationery and gift paper, in addition to offering custom invitation services. The fabulous custom examples are mixed in around the store, along with beautiful pens, date books and single cards, mostly of the letter press variety so chic right now. 

The signing got under way, and I had a big stack of books in front of me. The store carries a good variety of the Emily Post library, and there was interest not only in my book, Emily Post's Wedding Parties, but in our big book of etiquette, aptly named Etiquette, and in our children's series, as well as in Peggy's Excuse Me, and even the big business book! Who knew! There wasn't ever a crush, so I got to do what I love best: talk through each customer's questions about etiquette fully. (My publicists are out there laughing as they read this. Anna? Loves to talk about etiquette? Nahhhh....)

As we parted for the evening, I picked up a box of stationery for myself from Wiley Valentine, a new favorite I found there. The ladies presented me with a beautiful pen and card case from Acme, perfect for our event the next morning--another signing, this time with a talk and Q&A session on wedding etiquette over at the (fabulous!) Double Tree Hotel in Claremont. (They give you warm, melty cookies when you check in. Call me a sucker, but in my jet lagged haze I became a loyal Double Tree customer before even seeing the room.)

Saturday morning, Dina and Joanne put on a great event, with a full room and lots of mimosas. The women had tons of good questions ranging from the usual sticky ones, such as what do you do if someone RSVPs for their kids at a no-kids wedding, to the appalling: "Someone sent me a shower invitation asking me to include a gift receipt with my present--was that okay?" No! And no again! (Though on the flip side, while you cannot ever ask someone to do it, it is nice for the giver to include a gift receipt when sending an off-registry gift.) Afterwards we had a whirlwind signing--let's just say the pen came in very handy!

Sex and the City: The Movie: A Trailer Tells a Familiar Tale

Last Friday I searched high and low on the internet for the new, expanded Sex And The City: The Movie trailer. The last trailer to come out was only about 40 seconds, and it was really more of a pretty slide show set to music than a trailer. When I finally found a video link that worked, I wasn't disappointed.  The movie looks great (despite the set photos of Carrie wearing what looks like a giant scrunchie!), and I for one can't wait to get in line on opening day. The trailer outlined the basic theme of the film: Carrie gets carried away with the wedding planning, and Big leaves her at the altar. My guess is that the rest of the episode--I mean film--will be about Carrie getting her priorities straight and winning him back.

I can't wait for the movie to be out and in the pop culture knowledge base. It's a theme I frequently speak publicly about during book signings and at wedding conferences. It can be so easy to lose sight of how you're treating the people around you during wedding planning--not to mention losing sight of what really matters when it comes to choosing between dresses, guest lists and menus. The question of chicken versus steak can leave people in tears, not to mention other world-enders such as bridesmaid dresses, hair up or down and who sits at what table.

In part I'm being facetious here, but there is some truth to it: all brides (and grooms, and mothers of the bride, etc.) want their wedding to be the best, for their own and enjoyment  and that of their guests. They don't want to let anyone, including themselves, down, and the focus turns to all of that pressure instead of enjoying the process with your loved ones. I'm guessing that Carrie's experience in the movie will give me lots of reference points when I'm speaking to brides.

And what advice would I give to Carrie, and all those other brides out there?

1. Communicate early and often. Keeping everyone who is involved, from mothers to grooms to caterers, on the same page is key to a happy wedding. Weddings are NOT the time for surprises--even small things can matter a lot, and people need time to process a change to their expectations.

2. Schedule time with your loved ones where the focus isn't on the wedding. It will give you--and them--a much needed break, and a chance to keep your priorities straight.

3. Relax! Emily Post's favorite wedding was a small country affair, not a grand crystal-clinking event. The key to doing a wedding "correctly" isn't to force your life to match up to a "rule book" of etiquette; rather, it's to use your common sense to adapt when situations force you out of the norm. You'll succeed off the beaten path so long as you base your decisions in consideration and respect for the other people your choices will affect.

That said, I'm looking forward to Big leading Carrie on one last chase through Manhattan. My only lingering question is whether or not I can legitimately expense my movie ticket...

Wedding Party Gifts: Tying Up Loose Ends

In my search to replace a lost favorite pair of gold hoop earrings from jewelers Viv and Ingrid*, I stumbled onto their wedding section--jewelry and accessories for brides and bridesmaids. There is lots of cute stuff, but I especially love the monogrammed jewelry bags, pearl hoop earrings and the monogrammed necklaces. All are great for the bride, or as gifts to the bridal party.  Enjoy!

(*And no: I was in no way paid to say this!)

San Francisco Wedding Event with Amy Nichols

I just got back from a terrific trip to San Francisco, where I teamed up with Amy Nichols, wedding planning extraordinaire, for a booking signing last Saturday at One Fort Mason. I spoke to over fifty brides, mothers of the bride, and bridesmaids for about an hour, and fielded more questions than we had time for! As usual, brides wanted to know about invitations, guest lists, how to politely request a no-kids event, seating of divorced parents and much more. The bridesmaids had questions about the shower and bachelorette parties, and the mom's wanted to know about seating and attire. And that only scratches the surface!

I love doing these events--invariably I get to give advice that puts people at ease. Not a bad job to have!

White Chicago

A little while ago I was in Chicago for my very first book signing at White Chicago, a gorgeous little boutique geared toward selling wedding dresses--new and "once wed." You all know that I love anything eco-friendly and conscientious,  and I doubly love the concept behind White Chicago. Ursula, one of the founders, had wanted to purchase a wedding gown from a consignment store to save on her budget, but found the process depressing, and in the end went with a new gown. Her experience inspired her to start White Chicago, where brides can shop in a beautiful, pampering environment for new or pre-worn gowns. The idea is creating a memorable experience no matter your budget (or environmental policies!). One of my favorite things about it?  Brides who consign their dress can leave a note with it sharing their experience or advice for the prospective new owner. How sweet is that?

During the event, I gave an etiquette talk to a fun group of young women who were either engaged or helping a bride get ready for her wedding. They were shy about asking me questions at first, but quickly relaxed and deluged me with them! (One of these classy ladies even sent me a thank-you note!) And yes, everything at White Chicago is white: floor, clothes, flowers, furniture. I guess it's a good thing I'm an etiquette expert--I'm not sure anyone else could get away with wearing all black to White Chicago!  Many thanks to Ursula, Stacy, and all the girls for a great event.

So what do you think? Would you keep your wedding gown forever as a cherished keepsake, or would you want to pass it on--whether for the money, the space in your closet or the idea of letting it be an alternative to purchasing something new for another bride?

West Virginia Book Faire!

I'm in West Virginia right now for the West Virginia Book Faire! I'm here to talk tomorrow morning about wedding etiquette and my new book, Emily Post's Wedding Parties, and then sign some books.  I flew in tonight from Vermont into Washington, DC, my old stomping ground. Two of the other young authors and I were picked up at the airport and got to chat on the way here-- check out their books, too: For the Love of Letters: The 21st Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing by Samara O'Shea, and Party Girl, by Anna David. It was such a great opportunity to talk with other authors my age about what they're doing, how they got here, and what they want to do.  It may sound cliched, but it's inspiring. Sometimes working so much with family can put you in a vacuum! (Not that I don't love them....)