What Would Emily Post Do?

Emily in the Garden

by Anna Post

Susan Catling just wrote a lovely article in Martha's Vineyard Magazine about Emily Post's famous cottage garden at 34 Fuller Street in Edgartown, Massachusetts. I spent summers at this house as a girl until my family sold it in 2000; I continue to go to the island each summer, and always take a bike ride past the house to see the gardens again.

From the cover of coffee table books to Alison Shaw note cards to tourist postcards, Emily's garden has shown its face to the world at large for many, many years. Tour buses used to make it a regular stop, and tourists taking pictures were a daily occurrence.

I feel very lucky to have known her garden from the other side of the fence. I can remember the feel of the moss between the garden walk bricks on my bare feet, and in the evening with the windows open the scent of phlox would drift over you as you fell asleep. I learned how to cut from the garden without disturbing the overall effect from my mom, who would place arrangements throughout the house. Over the years it become a treat, not a chore, to be sent to the garden to cut flowers.

There was a special room between the dining room and kitchen that acted as both bar and china cupboard, and also housed the many vases collected by Emily and my grandparents (her grandson and granddaughter-in-law) over the years. In it was a beautiful old brass sink, now in the bar at my parent's Vermont home, which served as the natural place for arranging flowers. It was a lovely setting to learn how to transform a basket of dahlias, phlox, zinnias, snapdragons, cone flowers, and daisies into arrangements for dining tables, guests' rooms, bedsides, and coffee tables. Emily's garden instilled in me a deep love of flowers, and to this day flowers are an essential part of my weekly budget. (Currently I am enjoying an amazing bunch of yellow double, or "peony", tulips and a small posy of peach ranunculus.)

Next week I will close on my first home, and soon there after will turn my eye to my very first, very own garden. Ms. Catling's article could not have come at a more perfect time, and is a wonderful reminder that Emily was not only an authority on etiquette, but also on architecture, interior design and decoration, and gardening through her lesser-known but well-regarded book, The Personality of a House, published in 1930. I am now deep into the chapter titled, "The House of Charm at Least Expense."

Ms. Catling did her research very, very well. She shares some of Emily's gardening tips from The Personality of a House, as well as notes from Emily's private garden journal. Emily, whose true persona was sometimes lost behind incorrect assumptions of what an etiquette author must be like,  comes vividly alive through her notes about her beloved garden. 

Emily wrote, “The personality of a house is indefinable, but there never lived a lady of great cultivation and charm whose home, whether a palace, a farm-cottage or a tiny apartment, did not reflect the charm of its owner.” I think Emily's garden shows her to have been a woman of charm indeed.

Alison Shaw photo of Emily Post's garden used with permission.

Elegy for the Personal Letter, A Poem By Allison Joseph

by Anna Post

Listening to VPR (Vermont Public Radio) this morning, I was struck by a poem Garrison Keillor read on his segment The Writer's Almanac. It was "Elegy for the Personal Letter"* by Allison Joseph, and it struck me smack in the middle of my handwritten letter writing loving heart. 

At one point she writes, "So seldom is it that letters come/That I stop everything else/to identify the scrawl that has come this far—/the twist and the whirl of the letters,/the loops of the numerals."

In its entirety it is both beautiful and relevant. 

*The Writer's Almanac only links to its main page; if the link no longer takes you to the poem, look for the March 9th post. If you still can't find it, it is published in My Father's Kite (Steel Toe Books, 2010).

Finding Insipration in "Lowered Expectations"

by Anna Post

Today's post is slightly off-topic: happiness. The New York Times runs a column in the opinion section called "Happy Days: The Pursuit of What Matters in Troubled Times." This week's piece, "Lowered Expectations" by Eric Weiner,  is so good I just have to share it with you.

Usually I write about etiquette as our relationships and interactions with others, both those we know (friends, family, co-workers), and those we don't (check-out clerks, waiters, fellow passengers). Often, I speak in terms of treating others with consideration, respect, and honesty.

This piece reminded me that it's important to first cultivate a good relationship with yourself to be able to build good relationships and experiences with others. Though Weiner isn't talking about etiquette, he is essentially talking about self-worth, something I find very closely related to self-respect and self-consideration. Besides, good advice is good advice, and if I look to the origin of this blog and ask, "What would Emily Post do?" I know she would say, "Smart man."

Weiner's article posits that having lowered expectations leads to greater happiness. He looks to a study showing that two-thirds of Danes state they are "very happy with their lives." He notes that Danish culture is one of lowered expectations, that in turn leads to happiness when expectations are exceeded. By contrast, he argues that as Americans we set our sights so high that there is bound to be disappointment when we fall short of our goals. And even if we do hit the mark, we have to then set a higher one or dissatisfaction will soon set in.

As an American, I find it hard not to dream big. But the key isn't to abandon big goals and high expectations, but rather to put our sincerest energies into achieving them, and take our happiness from knowing we gave it our best. In other words, we can succeed in our efforts, if not in our goals. As Marissa Mayer, a successful Google executive, said in this month's Vogue as part of a similar conversation about overreaching, "At least you learn something about your limitations." Weiner conveys a similar idea from the Bhagavad Gita, the Hindu holy text, quoting Lord Krishna, "Set thy heart upon thy work but never its reward."

The bottom line here is to be inspired to invest in building something positive, whether it's a relationship with others or the one you have with yourself.

What Would Emily Post Buy?

by Anna Post

I've long been envious of Heidi Swanson's beautiful blog--and her cooking, and her photography, and her lifestyle--but that's neither here nor there. In addition to the great recipes I've used from her website, I've always liked her Amazon store. It's like a glimpse inside her kitchen, and she has great notes about items like the cameras she uses. Finally, I have my own store. You can get to it from the "store" link on the left, or here.

Not only will you find all of the Emily Post books for sale (including mine!), you'll also find some of my personal favorite items, from books, music, and DVDs to kitchen and beauty items.

Coming very soon will be etiquette-approved gift suggestions for birthdays, weddings, holidays, graduations, anniversaries, and more. And I'm open to adding more categories, so let me know if you'd like guidance finding any other kind of items.

Happy shopping!

Autopilot, Autoetiquette!

by Anna Post

This April first morning, Gmail, Google's free email platform, announced their latest update with Autopilot*, a service that replies to your emails for you! You'll never be thought rude for failing to reply again!

Not only that, but like all things etiquette, it is thoughtful! It samples your mail to catch the drift of your style! You'll be rated on capitalization, typos, brevity, and emoticon use, and the program will then draft your response accordingly. Think of the time saved!

What a terrific response by industry to the reality of how draining it is to need to be available and responsive to email at all times. Managing relationships is at the core of good etiquette, and Autopilot even analyzes incoming messages and gives you recommendations on whether or not to continue a relationship! (Sample: "Conclusion: Terminate Relationship.") How thoughtful! How helpful! How Google!

*Autopilot, while fake, follows on the heels of Mail Goggles, which (believe it or not) is real. A tool to help fight the good fight to maintain good relationships. Funny as it is, I'd endorse it for anyone who needs a little extra help controlling the email equivalent of a drunk dial--I can't say I've ever heard of one of those that turned out well...

Anna's Top Ten Housewarming Gifts

I moved three times last year, and each time I swore I would never do it again. While I'm planning to stay put for a while now, I haven't forgotten that moving wipes you out of lots of the basics, and makes you appreciate creature comforts all the more. Thankfully I'm not boxing up my belongings right now, but one of my best friends, Stefania, has just moved from NYC to Chicago, and it got me thinking about what I could give her for a housewarming present to top the Cynthia Rowley "Dirty Dishes" I gave her from Fishs Eddy when she moved to NYC. Adorable, no? Bear in mind though, I knew she wanted them; they probably aren't best for your garden variety new neighbor. Here are a few of my favorite things to give (or receive!) as housewarming gifts:

1. Set of nice soaps -- moving is messy. Period.
2. Flowering plant -- if it can thrive in that mess of boxes, so can you
3. Dish towels and potholders -- if yours looked like mine, you'd have chucked them when moving, too
4. Bottle of wine -- after a move, who doesn't need one?
5. Scented candles -- it should be in all real estate contracts that the last owner's cooking smells should have to move out with them
   
6. Homemade cherry pie (so June Cleaver), and make a gift of the pie plate, too! -- come on, you really can't expect people who are unpacking their whole life not to mix up your pie plate with theirs
7. 7. Assortment of local take-out menus, tied up with ribbon -- it's what I'd want!
8. Guest book -- assuming, of course, that they don't live in a 400 square foot studio
9. Coffee mugs and coffee -- essential to most people's daily lives, and unfailingly packed at the bottom of the box that's trapped behind every other box
10. Welcome mat -- nothing says welcome like, well, the word "Welcome!"