What Would Emily Post Do?

Top Manners Important to a Civil Workplace

by Anna Post

Reposted from my discussion group this week on The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics' website.

Friday:  Top Manners Important to a Civil Workplace

Today I promised to leave you with some of the top manners I teach to reinforce civility in the workplace. Though I've talked a lot about how a civil workplace needs to come from the top to become the company standard, regardless of the environment we are in, we can each choose how we will act and respond to others; we can hold ourselves to a personal standard. (This applies whether we are at work or not.)

I work from the assumption that everyone I teach knows the following list already. The question is whether they are already engaging with these, or whether they need to reinvest after a lag. 

Some of the top standard social expectations in the American workplace are as follows:

- Greet each other with a smile and/or hello.

- Respect each other's privacy; knock before entering.

- Focus on your colleague (not your smart phone) when you are in a meeting.

- Be on time.

- Identify yourself on the phone.

- Pick up after yourself.

- Speak quietly (but don't whisper!) in an open office/cubical environment.

- Keep cell phones off or set to vibrate or silent.

- Take personal calls in a private area.

- Don't use IM or email to avoid a problem.

- Keep shared calendars up to date and free of private appointments.

- Use salutations, please, and thank you in emails.

- Fridge rules: If you put it in, you can take it out.

These manners are written for the internal workplace, though many can carry over into client relationships. These are also basic, and that's the point. The basics are the foundation of a civil workplace, and though we've all heard them before, they don't do us any good if we aren't using them.

For our last discussion, I invite you to add to this list. Many thanks for all of your interest and participation this week.

The Impact of Workplace Incivility on Productivity

by Anna Post

Reposted from my discussion group this week on The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics' website.

Thursday: The Impact of Workplace Incivility on Productivity

Today let's take a look at some HR statistics about the importance of civility in the workplace, and the impact civility- the lack of it-can have on the bottom line.

Incivility in the workplace can have an effect on a company's bottom line. The University of North Caroline did a workplace incivility study a few years ago, and I'd like to share some of the results with you:

Of 775 persons who had an uncivil act committed against them:

28% Lost work time avoiding instigator

53% Lost work time worrying

22% Decreased work effort

12% Actually left their job

This is a clear hit to efficiency. And remember, these are people who are qualified and capable of doing their jobs-and yet 12% choose to leave rather than put up with it. Anyone familiar with HR will tell you how costly it is to recruit, hire and train a new employee. Any of these results can also have a negative impact on a company's reputation and future recruiting power.

The study concluded that instigator of the uncivil behavior was:

More than three times as likely to be a person of higher status.

Likely to be a worker with valued talent.

What do see as some of the causes of incivility in the workplace? We've talked about a failure in management to set a standard, but on an individual basis, what are some of the factors that might contribute to incivility? What kinds of stresses might cause someone who knows better to be uncivil or rude?

Tomorrow I'll leave you with some of the top manners I teach to reinforce civility in the workplace.

Where Does A Civil Workplace Come From?

by Anna Post

Reposted from my discussion group this week on The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics' website.

Wednesday: Where Does A Civil Workplace Come From?

Today I'd like to take a look at where a standard of civility in the workplace needs to come from to be effective. A civil workplace begins at the top, with the president, CEO and/or owner, and with the top managers. When the tone is set from the top down, civility becomes part of the corporate culture. Within a small organization, a good, active standard has every chance of thriving, as the employees are likely to interact with their boss often. With a large one, it gets trickier. It's my belief that a standard of civility can't be passive-it must be actively encouraged and discussed for it to survive into every department or division. In any size company, passive promotion-simply modeling behavior you'd like others to follow-may work, but only if employees are aware enough to recognize it. Needless to say, I'm a fan of clear standards set, discussed and modeled by leadership and top management, no matter the company size.

I'd like to hear how you see company size play a role in civility. 

Tomorrow we will take a look at some HR statistics about the importance of civility in the workplace, and the impact civility--or the lack of it--can have on the bottom line. Friday, I'll leave you with some of the top manners I teach to reinforce civility in the workplace.

The Relationship Between Ethics and Civility

by Anna Post

Reposted from my discussion group this week on The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics' website.

Tuesday: The Relationship Between Ethics and Civility

Today I'd like to offer up a quote from Emily Post, my great-great-grandmother and the founder of the family business I'm part of here at The Emily Post Institute. In her first edition of Etiquette from 1922 (the book that put her on the map as an etiquette authority), she stated, "Etiquette is a house built on ethics."

I have always loved this quote. Though there are some shades of difference, for today's purposes, let's use etiquette and civility synonymously. Do you think the relationship between ethics and civility in our current society has been diminished over time? And after the conversation generated in the SCCE discussion group, I'll go so far as to ask: Do you think corporate crime could be diminished with a renewed emphasis on civility in the workplace?

Tomorrow we will take a look at where a standard of civility in the workplace needs to come from to be effective, and how that plays out in both small and large organizations.

How Do You Create A Civil Workplace?

by Anna Post

The Society of Corporate Compliance and Ethics has invited me to lead their daily online discussion each day this week. I'll be talking with them about creating a civil workplace, and will be posting my discussion topics each morning here, as well. Please join the conversation in the comments section below.


Monday: How Do You Create a Civil Workplace?

Creating a civil workplace sounds like a terrific goal, doesn't it? Who could argue that that's something for a company to encourage and cultivate? And yet, civility, and its companion etiquette, is often ignored as a soft skill not truly essential to business. Some even feel it's anathema to efficiency and drive-"Nice guys finish last." Or, that it's an add-on at most: Nice, but not essential.

Civility in the workplace is cultivated from two angles: using basic manners daily and treating others with what I call the principles of etiquette: consideration, respect and honesty. The first, using good manners, is expressed with actions such as saying hello, using please, thank you and you're welcome (in speech and email), and being on time. The second, being considerate, respectful and honest, has much more to do with how we treat and speak to one another-colleague, boss, client-both on a daily basis and in those moments when there isn't a specific rule or manner to guide us. It's often synonymous with professionalism these days.

What do you think: Is civility relevant in the workplace? Can you be professional without being civil? And where does civility in the workplace come from: Management setting explicit standards? An HR document? Personal example? Focused exercises geared to increase awareness?

Tomorrow we'll take a look at some of the ties between civility and ethics.

Coming to an Airport Near You: Peace, Quiet and Privacy

By Anna Post

 

Ever dreamed of some privacy in the crowded holiday airports? Or perhaps a place to relax and read or get some work done? Delays or scheduled layovers have left all of longing for some peace and quiet in cramped terminals. 3M Privacy Filters, who I've worked with over the past year, have created the opportunity to find just that with AirportPrivacyHavens.com. The site offers a place for frequent flyers to share their favorite quiet spots at airports around the country--and learn a few new ones. After all, it's easier to be a polite traveler when you aren't stressed out!

To help get things started, 3M Privacy Filters has created three Airport Privacy Havens in some of the country's busiest airports this Thanksgiving. Here, travelers can enjoy a quiet corner with free massages and Wi-Fi between 8 am and 5 pm on November 24-25 and 28-29. Locations are:

• Chicago O’Hare International: Terminal 2 near entrance to concourses E & F (through Nov. 30)
• Dallas-Fort Worth International: Terminal C near Gates 2 and 3 (through Nov. 30)
  
  
• John F Kennedy International Airport in New York: Terminal 8 near entrance to American Airline’s Admiral Club (through Dec. 7)

Everyone has their horror story when it comes to air travel. Many have more than one. Was it the time I had three flights in a row canceled? The time I missed a connection in London by minutes and had to stay an extra 24 hours at the Gatwick airport hotel, home to the worst food on Earth? Or perhaps it was the time my carry on bag--yes, carry on--went to San Juan for three days without me after a simple Burlington, Vermont to Washington, D.C. flight. 

But I've also had some unexpected moments of peace and quiet to read or catch up on work at airports around the country. I've found a few favorite spots in tucked away in various terminals--havens I know will offer some privacy from the crowds while I wait for my flight. The rocking chairs in Philadelphia and the big, comfy chairs in Detroit are two favorites, along with the spacious coffee shop seating near the Jet Blue gates in San Francisco's SFO airport. And there's the terrific healthy food cafe (whose name I can never remember) in St. Paul-Minneapolis that feels like a Scandinavian spa.

Do you have a favorite quiet corner at an airport? Share it at AirportPrivacyHaven.com, and find a few new quiet corners while you're at it. Who knows--I might even see you there...

Business Etiquette for the Digital Age

by Anna Post

The public side of what I do as an author and spokesperson for The Emily Post Institute trends towards the wedding world: I've written two wedding etiquette books, I am a regular columnist for Brides.com and Inside Weddings, I give media interviews on the subject daily, and I travel across the country to speak at bridal events and attend book signings at stores like Williams-Sonoma.

Granted, I also give many interviews on all kinds of etiquette topics, from talking politics to holiday tipping to whether or not it's okay to ignore someone on Facebook. But it's rare that the public sees what occupies much of my time: teaching business etiquette seminars.

My father, Peter Post, and I travel constantly around the country, and sometimes the globe, conducting private seminars for corporations, universities and colleges, and non-profits about the many advantages of business etiquette. It's rare that these sessions are open to the public, but last month I taught a public business etiquette seminar on etiquette in the digital age at Dartmouth College's Rockefeller Center.

Here, in all my pink-shirted glory, I'm excited to invite you to join me for an hour-plus conversation about business etiquette.

Did You Get the Message? Mobile Manners Do Matter

by Anna Post

Ten years ago, cell phones demanded new etiquette guidelines. Now, smart phones and BlackBerrys are the new black sheep of the mobile device family.  How do we know we need rules for them? The sheer amount of public debate alone clamors for answers. The New York Times added its voice to the mix (again) recently with its piece by Alex Williams, "Mind Your BlackBerry or Mind Your Manners." Perhaps a little etiquette advice can allow us to do both?

My favorite anecdote describes a man playing a racing game on his iPhone for the duration of an hour-plus-long meeting. Why did those he was meeting with grin and bear it? Because this was a potential client, and they didn't want to lose the deal. Regardless, this man's behavior--only giving a piece of his attention--showed a clear lack of respect. Luckily for him it was a price someone was willing to pay. 

The article also references a May 2009 poll by Yahoo HotJobs. In it, over 33 percent of the 5,300 respondents said they frequently check emails in a meeting, and nearly 20 percent said they had been taken to task over their manners. I'm guessing the number of those offended was even higher, as many, like those meeting with the iPhone Mario Andretti, will stay mum about the offense given. 

In recent days I've also seen reporting on mobile device manners surveys by both Intel and Harris International.The Intel survey discussed something that an AP/IPSOS poll from a few years had also confirmed to me: People see rudeness in others, not in themselves. Intel reports that 9 out of 10 people were annoyed by mobile behaviors, but only 38 percent admitted to texting while with others. This is a clear case of lack of awareness. These many polls and surveys show that people are indeed bothered by someone using their smart phone or BlackBerry right in front of them. Understanding how we are perceived--as annoying or rude--when we lose perspective on our situation can help us invest in minding our manners.

BlackBerrys and smart phones are not the problem. They can be a huge asset in the business world--the president himself endorses them as vital to his ability to do his job. (You know, leader of the free world.) The problem is how--and when--we choose to use them. A few tips:

1. Turn it off in a meeting. While others may be trying to show how busy and important they are, you'll be showing your respect for the people you are with. Which one do you want to do business with?

2. Be wary of where and what you are doing on your Blackberry.  If you happen to be updating your Facebook status or checking your bank account information, you never know who might be peeking over your shoulder. I’ve been working with 3M and they have this great 3M Mobile Privacy Film that darkens side views so people can’t see what your doing on your Blackberry.  This also comes in handy when dealing with nosy friends who are trying to get a look at what you are texting your significant other.

3. Use correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, salutations and closings when BlackBerrying with anyone you don't know well, especially clients and superiors. This goes doubly for anyone a generation (or two or three) above you, who may not be as tolerant of the casual nature of BlackBerry messages. The quick, abbreviated message you tap out may look fine on your little screen, but it's not so impressive when seen across a large monitor in an office.

The article closed with a quote about BlackBerry use in meetings from David Brotherton, a Seattle-based media consultant: "It's a not-so-subtle way of signaling 'I'm connected. I'm busy. I'm important. And if this meeting doesn't hold my interest, I've got 10 other things I can do instead.'"

Okay, I get it--you're cool! But if you've got attention to spare for your BlackBerry while in a meeting, you need to organize your time better. Working smart in this economy is crucial, so save your BlackBerrys for the subways, taxis and airports--the in-between times--and give all of your focus to the people you are with.

Guest Blog: Thanks, But No Thanks

This week I'm introducing my first guest blogger, author Peter Post, who is not only an etiquette expert and co-director for The Emily Post Institute, but is also...my dad.

by Peter Post

As a business person, I feel the pull to be everything to everyone. Yes, we can do a seminar next week. Yes, we can meet that price point. Yes, we can add another short session at no additional charge. Yes, we can! It’s easy to say yes in the short term and pay the price in the long run.

Most people, including savvy business people, don’t like to say “No, thank you.” But think about this: saying no can be the considerate and honest thing to do. The people affected by your decision deserve to know where you stand as quickly as possible.  It doesn’t represent you or your company well to say yes initially and then either change your position later, or have to deliver on a promise that doesn’t benefit you.

Consider these tips to create positive relationships without having to say yes.

• Think before you act. In most cases, you do not need to give an immediate answer. Weigh your options and understand your limits, such as time, money, or interest. “That’s a great question, Ms. Carerra. I want to be really thoughtful in giving you an answer. Can I call you next week to talk about this?”
  
  
• Accentuate the positive; answer respectfully. Show you appreciate a proposal even if you do have to turn it down: “I appreciate that you brought this opportunity to us. I’m sorry we can’t work together this time, but we’d be interested in hearing from you next year.”
  
  
• Give a reason when possible. When you can give a good and honest reason for turning down an opportunity, the potential client walks away feeling that she was treated in a sincere and helpful way. “We’ve made the choice to focus on print rather than radio this year, but I know that we’ll revisit that decision next year. Let’s talk then.”
  
  
• Be straight about the future. If you don’t want to leave the door open for future unwelcome proposals, you will need to be clear about your business’s policy (even if you develop it just to address this particular situation): “I appreciate your proposal; however, our business has a policy about not bartering for services.
  
• Be firm. Sometimes when you say no, your prospective clients will understand and tell you so; other times, they will be confused or angry. Respectfully listen to what they have to say, but don’t change your answer.

 Lastly, as the person being asked, beware of those who would pressure in ways that can make saying no more difficult:

• Flattery: “I could have brought this opportunity to any business, but I brought it here because of your outstanding reputation. I know that your team can make this a success.
• Bullying: “You’re making a mistake if you don’t take me up on this offer.”
• Someone else’s problem becoming yours: “I can’t handle this on my own – I need your help.”

Don’t feel pressured to say yes by people who use these tactics. In fact, if someone uses these approaches, be very wary of saying yes.

Regardless of whether you say yes or no to an offer, use consideration, respect, and honesty as your “etiquette filter.” You will be able to build and maintain successful relationships while saying, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

When in Washington, Do As The Washingtonians Do

by Anna Post

This morning I heard a terrific piece on Vermont Public Radio by Bill Seamans on Meeting and Greeting, or shaking hands. An award-winning journalist and a former correspondent and bureau chief for ABC News in the Middle East, Mr. Seamans mused on whether President Obama should greet Arab officials visiting Washington, D.C., with a kiss on the cheek, as is customary in the Middle East, or with a classic American handshake.

This question gets to the heart of diplomacy: Do you make others welcome as though they were in their home, or do you pay respect to your own traditions and culture when on home turf? This question is considerate by nature, something near and dear to the heart of etiquette, so I think it's a wonderful one to ask. And it doesn't extend to just President Obama; I am frequently asked about greeting foreigners in business--do we bow, shake, hug, cheek-kiss--and if we kiss, is it once, twice, three times? And which side do we start on? We don't want to smack someone on the lips by accident and lose a deal before we've even sat down!

"I think that President Obama should play it safe and stick to the familiar handshake so as not to accidentally offend any sensitivities," Mr. Seamans said.  I like this solution, for exactly that reason. Go with the handshake; after all, that's our custom and it's what is expected here. When visiting another culture, I'd say the same is true: know what may be expected of you there to show respect for entering into their cultural territory. Basically, it's the redux of "when in Rome, do as the Romans do".

If you'd like to add both kinds of greetings, say a bow and then a handshake, that's great too--now all the bases are covered. (Be sure you know your visitors, though; don't assume that all Asians bow and all Europeans kiss.) When going for both greetings, start with the least intimate contact and move toward the more intimate one. So, bow then shake then hug then kiss. As in most things (meeting new bosses, a significant other's parents), it's easiest to start off formally and then move to the informal than it is to go in the other direction. The whole idea of building a relationship, a dialog, with someone is to become more familiar with them; our actions should mimic this.

Good luck, President Obama; I know you'll represent us well! For more on what makes a good handshake, see my notes on Cindy McCain's sprained hand from last summer.