What Would Emily Post Do?

Make Sure Your Communication Etiquette Is Effective...Or Is It Affective?

by Anna Post

The New York Times runs a column called "After Deadline" by Philip B. Corbett, that analyzes incorrect usage of the English language through examples that mistakenly made it into the paper. It's a great to brush up on your skills, and this week's was very apropos to a subject whose (not who's) importance I can't stress enough: grammar.

I teach communication etiquette as a core part of almost every business etiquette seminar I'm hired to conduct. In this segment, we cover how to communicate in business--whether it's (not its) with email, snail mail, cell phones, BlackBerries, regular ol' telephones, voice mail or even...in person. Shocking, I know.

There (not they're) is a portion of the email segment where I stress the need for your writing to represent you well--it's an extension of your (not you're) image. Use of correct grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, salutations and closings all play a part in this.

If respecting the English language isn't reason enough to invest in good grammar, then allow me to offer this food for thought: When there (not their) is a mistake present, that is where the recipient's focus goes; not to the good information the sender wanted to convey. Distractions in business can affect (not effect) our bottom line; it's worth investing in skills that keep the focus on advancing our message, and thus our productivity. 

This week's column, titled "Words to Watch", explains the difference between some common words, such as affect and effect and principal and principle. It also examines some more obscure confusions, such as between abjure and adjure. I would like to add a few other common words to watch out for in your writing; after all, spell check won't pick these up, and grammar check is, in my experience, dicey at best.

It's vs. its. The first is a contraction of "it is", the second is possessive (belonging to it).

Who's vs. whose. Who's is a contraction of "who is", and whose is a possessive of "who" (i.e., "Whose pencil is that?").

There vs. their vs. they're. There is a place. Their is possessive (belonging to them). They're is a contraction of "they are".

I made a mistake recently with the last one--I used there when I should have used their. I know the difference, but was typing answers quickly on a Washington Post live online chat, and posted my answer before rereading it. It was too late to fix, and people noticed and wrote in about it. Not the impression I wanted to make--especially when I do know better.

It just goes to show that even professional writers don't get it right all the time. That's why I like Mr. Corbett's column: Hopefully I'll learn to avoid future mistakes, and if not, at least I know I'm in good company!

When It Comes To Business Etiquette, Do You Make The Grade?

I frequently google around on etiquette topics to get a feel for what's out there, and last night's search gave me back this USA Today quiz on business etiquette. (Just turn off your volume first, it has annoying audio.)

It's a great quiz, asking lots of the questions that I am asked to cover when I lead business etiquette seminars. And they got all of the answers right! (I expected nothing less, but it's nice to these finer points hit so well.)

But, heh heh, I didn't get all the answers right (insert blush here). I got 14 out of 15, and I'll give you a leg up on the one I got wrong, as it taught me something new.

The question was, "What percentage of the message you communicate is conveyed through your visual appearance?" You could choose 30%, 55% or 75%, and never having heard these breakdowns before, I had to take a shot in the dark. I went for shock value and chose 75% (which would be scary if true).

Survey says: Incorrect! Phew. The answer is 55%, with this explanation: "This figure is from a study by Albert  Mehrabian , a professor of psychology at UCLA.  Your wardrobe should fit and be appropriate for the setting.  Pay attention to your body language, and don't forget to smile." I may have never heard this stat before, but as a professional etiquette expert, I couldn't agree more with the advice.

Something Stinks, And It's Not Just The Fish

Not ten minutes ago I walked down the hall of my office building and scrunched up my face in preparation to utter: blech! Fish. I don't know what kind; I don't want to know. The Emily Post Institute uses two suites of offices on a floor with two other companies. There are two communal kitchens, and someone from one of the other companies heated up a fishy dish for lunch today. And as a consequence, the whole floor got to enjoy the smell.

This is a hot topic for many offices (no pun intended). Food smells, office refrigerators, and communal kitchens can all be a huge source of unnecessary conflict and annoyance. I've done a few interviews on this subject, my favorite being one with the Seattle Times a little while back. Check it out to hear some of the hilarious--and shocking--horror stories that are out there. In the meantime, here are a few quick tips to keep the peace in the office fridge:

1. Don't bring smelly (and this can be a good or bad smell) dishes to the office.  Think fish, garlic and popcorn in particular. (Popcorn isn't offensive, but it is pervasive, and people will want some when they smell it popping. Chances are they didn't bring their own bag, making it annoying.)

2. Be responsible for your food: label it clearly (especially salad dressings and peanut butters that hang around for a while) and throw it out when it starts to go bad. Keep a sharpie and some masking tape on the fridge door to help make it easy.

3. Don't hog shelf space, and remember to play nice in the freezer, too! With so many people stocking office freezers with frozen lunches, space can be at a premium. Don't keep more than a week's supply on hand at the max.

4. If it's not yours, DON'T EAT IT!! Duh.

5. When it comes time to clean out, send an e-mail a day or two in advance, letting everyone know to label their food as "keep" before the deadline, or it will be thrown away.

So what's your fridge horror story?

Are You In? LinkedIn, That Is

A friend recently sent me an invite to join LinkedIn. I almost just followed that with "a social networking site" to describe it in case you aren't familiar, except that it's not really for socializing; it's for business contacts. Thinking, heck, what's one more on top of Facebook, MySpace and Friendster, I got my page, filled out the resume-like q&a's and sent contact requests (like a friend request). An urban planning friend in Portland, Oregon, sent an e-mail back asking basically, why should I bother?

Um, wow. In my desire to be a part of the latest and greatest, I didn't ever really stop to think about that one. I'll admit I wasn't really planning to get any business out of LinkedIn, and I'm not looking for a job. Thinking that the site itself might provide me with its mantra, I checked out the "about us" page, and there it was: "LinkIn's simple philosophy: Relationships Matter."

Wow again!! This is EXACTLY what we tell people at our business etiquette seminars. In business, being nice might be seen by some as unnecessary to getting ahead. After all, don't nice guys finish last? Nope. In business, your professional skills get you in the door, but it's your people skills that seal the deal.

One of the goals of our Emily Post business etiquette seminars is "to build better relationships. And here is LinkedIn expressing that same principle. With a network of connections (according to them, 12 million) who can stay in touch, put people in touch, and generally vouch for each other, it will be interesting to find out. And no matter what, I love that they highlight the importance of relationships in business.