What Would Emily Post Do?

RSVP--and Did They Ever!

by Anna Post

Last week I shared with you an op-ed from The New York Times by Rand Richards Cooper, It's My Party, and You Have to Answer, bemoaning the online demise of the RSVP--or least, of it's use. His op-ed received so many letters to the editor that the Times decided to share a selection of them: R.S.V.P.: They Responded, en masse.

One in particular struck me for its sheer laziness of reasoning:

To the Editor:

Rand Richards Cooper asks why nobody R.S.V.P.’s to online invitations. Perhaps we have forgotten what an invitation really is.

As a college student, I am routinely sent Facebook “invitations” to all sorts of campus events: plays, speakers, parties and so on. The events’ sponsors simply send a message to every one of their Facebook friends on campus to let them know of it. They are not requesting the pleasure of my or anyone else’s company; they are advertising their event, and perhaps hoping to get an approximate head count into the bargain.

What is more, if you do not actively remove yourself from the guest list of one of these invitations, you are likely to receive several follow-up messages reminding you to attend something you have no interest in whatsoever.

Is it all that surprising that we don’t think to R.S.V.P. anymore, even when a real invitation comes along?

Sarah Nathan
Wynnewood, Pa., March 15, 2010

She poses a good question, and I share her annoyance with advertisement and promotion on Facebook disguised  as invitations. However, this young woman, who is in college and intelligent and motivated enough to write a response to The New York Times, admits she knows the difference between the kind you need to reply to ("real invitations", as she puts it) and the kind you don't (Facebook event spam).

And yet she suggests that in the face of knowing the difference, she doesn't bother. Please. Facebook fatigue is no excuse for lazy rudeness. Given you're aware of the distinction, let's try and make an effort for the rare "real" invitation you do get. To quote Benjamin Disraeli, "Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power."

I find this response to Mr. Cooper's article far more to the point (sadly), and Mr. Disraeli's quote still the best medicine for countering it:

To the Editor:

Rand Richards Cooper describes a sad fact of modern life. The real reason for this is that improvements in communications have given us the illusion of choice and flexibility.

When an invitation is received, a calculation occurs as to whether or not the event in question is more compelling than possible future alternatives, and an R.S.V.P. is never sent, in order to keep one’s options open.

Unfortunately for Mr. Cooper, 22 of his friends thought they might have something better to do and were afraid to commit.

Funny how much less we communicate with one another now that it is easy!

Mahesh Swaminathan
Geneva, March 16, 2010

Is "RSVP" Optional in the Age of Evite?

by Anna Post

During media interviews  about tech or wedding etiquette, I'm frequently asked what I think about email invites or services like Evite. The question is straightforward; the answer invariably requires explanation. 

Yes and no is the short, unhelpful version. The problems are mostly about RSVPs and the formality of the party. I say yes if: your guests all have email; all use email (not the same thing); and if you know their current addresses. Yes, if your invitation reflects the level of formality of the party you're throwing. But I vote no if RSVPs are crucial, and never if it's a wedding.  Email is ephemeral and disposable; you run the risk of making your party the same.

Yesterday's New York Times op-ed by Rand Richards Cooper, "It's My Party, And You Have To Answer," strikes to heart of why technology can actually make your life as a host harder, not easier. He summed it up nicely:

"In requesting people to anchor a plan in the distant future of a month hence, you are demanding a kind of navigation that Americans increasingly do not practice. We prefer to remain flexy, solidifying our plans incrementally as the date approaches. Let’s talk tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m on the road. Cellphones in hand, we microadjust our schedules as they unfold around us. We’re like the air traffic controllers of our own lives."

Well said. I'm not saying this is right, or polite, but I would say it's very accurate. And if that's the reality you're working with as a host, you might want to try another approach to get the word out,  or at least be prepared for a lot of follow-up work. The biggest take away: We are likely to be a guest more often that we are to be a host, so, as the French say, respond, if you please. 

Bake Off: Gingery Apple Crumb Pie from Real Simple vs. Anna's Classic Apple Pie

By Anna Post

A shake up came to my mom's Thanksgiving table this year. For as long as I can remember, each year at Thanksgiving I've made a classic apple pie. The recipe came from my mom, and has served me well over the years--up until now. After much Vermont apple picking this fall, I've already made it several times, so I broke with tradition this past Thursday to give a new pie a place at the table: Gingery Apple Crumb Pie. It was a huge success! A friend made this recently after reading the recipe in November's Real Simple magazine, and it was divine. Be sure to use the crust recipe--it's easy and it really makes the whole pie come together in a way store-bought dough just doesn't. (One other tip: Freeze your ginger ahead of time if you can--it makes it much easier to grate.)

Even though Thanksgiving is over, the season for warm pies rich with cinnamon and nutmeg is upon us, and I highly recommend you give this gem a try.

Thanksgiving Table Setting Tips

By Anna Post

The holidays are a time when we gather around the table--a table we sometimes have questions about how to set. Check out all the details about how to set a table at The Emily Post Institute website, or take a look at this everyday table setting video my sister, Lizzie Post, made:

A few other table setting tips:

• Only set out utensils you plan on having your guests use (no soup, no soup spoon)
• Clear away anything from the table you won't need for dessert, such as salt and pepper
• When passing food, offer left, then pass right (it's okay to take a roll for yourself before handing off the basket!)

Being a very organized child, I loved getting to set the table for Thanksgiving each year when I was little. It was exciting to pull out the little-used coffee spoons, dessert forks, and butter knives and assign them each their own spot on the table. I still enjoy this an adult, though more for the artistry of creating a welcoming table than the novelty of using specialty utensils.

Ultimately, I think enjoying each others' company is the most important focus of the day, but a well-set table certainly does make a lovely backdrop. It also shows guests that the occasion, and their presence,  is special enough to warrant some effort.

That being said, Emily Post once said something to the effect of, "I really don't care what fork you use," to which I would only add, "I just hope you use one if gravy is involved."

Emily Post Recipes: Turkey with Truffle Sauce

By Anna Post

For my first recipe post, I'm turning as promised to the Emily Post Cookbook (1951). Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, this recipe for Turkey with Truffle Sauce caught my eye, and I've copied it here as it first appeared in 1951 (with a few edits for the modern cook). I studied abroad in Italy during college, and at Thanksgiving my host mom, Renata, bought inch-thick slices of turkey (tacchino) breast and cooked them in a frying pan without seasoning. While it was a lovely attempt at American cuisine, it was undoubtedly the worst home-cooked meal I had in Italy. Perhaps if she had added the truffles, so popular and and so good in Italian cuisine, we would have had a masterpiece on our hands.

Turkey with Truffle Sauce

The truffles make this a more expensive dish, but is so delicious it's really worth it at the holidays. If black truffles are too expensive or unavailable, instead try adding a few drops of truffle oil or a light dash of truffle salt at a time at the same point in the recipe. Truffle salt or oil can be very strong, so start with a little and season to taste. Truffle salt or oil can also be added to meats, pastas, and eggs, among other dishes.

Time: 1 1/2 hours

Serves: 4 to 6

Ingredients:

1/2 breast turkey and 1 other joint of a 15 lb. turkey

4 tbs. flour

1 tsp. salt

1/8 tsp. fresh ground pepper

1 stick butter

2 medium onions, chopped

1 bunch carrots, peeled and sliced

1 1/2 cups white wine (recommend an inexpensive California sauterne)

1/2 cup chicken stock

1 tsp. glacé de viande* (if available)

4 oz. black truffles

*Or chicken demi-glace, using less as it is a more concentrated version of glacé de viande. If you omit this ingredient, you may need to season more with your stock, wine, salt, and/or pepper to taste to achieve a similar depth of flavor.  

Directions:

Remove the skin and bones from the breast and second joint. Cut both into as many pieces as there are to be portions (4-6). Heat butter over medium high heat in a large skillet (that has a close-fitting lid). Meanwhile, in a shallow bowl, combine the flour, salt and pepper. Dredge the pieces of turkey in the seasoned flour and brown them in the skillet. Add the onions and carrots and cook until the onions are golden, stirring as needed.

Add the wine, stock and glacé de viande. Bring to a boil, lower flame or heat to just simmering, and cover tightly. Move or turn the pieces of turkey every 15 minutes or so.

After 40 minutes, chop the truffles and add them to the skillet. Stir and continue simmering for 15 minutes longer, making a total simmering time of 55 minutes to 1 hour.

Serve with simple white rice cooked in chicken broth or a Parmesan risotto and sauteed spinach or Swiss chard.

Introducing Emily Post Recipes

By Anna Post

 
People sometimes wonder what it must have been like growing up as a Post. Were manners drilled into us like trainees at boot camp? Did we eat in a hushed veil of silence? Were we banished to our rooms with a crust of bread if we disobeyed?

I'm laughing just typing this. No, no, and no are the answers. Manners were taught, yes, but no differently than in any other household that takes the time to do so. Yes, I might have had a little more exposure than most as to how to set a table for a fish course or how to use an iced tea spoon, but we had plenty of lively conversation and humor around the table, and most importantly, good food.

Emily herself loved good food, and felt it should be enjoyed. It's a tradition that has continued down from her generation to mine. The first rule of dining with the Post family? Eat while it's hot!

In fact, in 1951 Emily published The Emily Post Cookbook, written mainly by her son, Edwin Post (my great granddad). His son, Bill Post (my granddad), updated and republished it in 1968 as The Main Course Cookbook (a pun on the word Main, which is a popular Post middle name).

Starting this Sunday, I will be posting recipes from these family treasures, as well as other favorite recipes of mine to help inspire family dining. I will add (and source) other recipes because while the Post books have excellent recipes and are good samples of their time, not all of the recipes have appeal today, quite frankly (marrow--as in bone--on toast, stewed kidneys, turtle soup, to name a few).

With Thanksgiving upon us, we will start this Sunday with Turkey with Truffle Sauce. I'll be trying this one for the first time, too, though if it's anything like the others I've had from this book, it will be well worth the effort.

In this age of economy, rediscovering the art of home cooking and sharing more meals with friends and family has been my own small silver lining of this recession. I hope these recipes offer you the same inspiration!

Echos of Domino: StyleScope Home and Entertaining Quiz

by Anna Post

I was beyond bummed when Domino Magazine, the home cousin to fashion's Lucky, closed early this year. It was my absolute favorite, and in my travels this year I've met women around the country who commiserate. (True fact: I bid--and won--on eBay for the back issues I didn't already own.) I've kept my eyes peeled for signs of the Domino team, hoping their new ventures will offer the same unique vision for home and entertaining.

When it comes to entertaining at home, etiquette has a lot do with putting your guests at ease and making them feel comfortable, welcome, and delighted. Having a home and pantry ready to do this makes it all the easier. Deborah Needleman, founder of Domino and author of the instant-classic "Domino: The Book of Decorating", has teamed with Home Goods on their StyleScope quiz to help you define your home and entertaining style. At the end, she gives you suggestions on decorating, food, drinks, and lighting, all tailored to your quiz answers. (I was "dramatic modern"!)

It's fun.  And that's what I always loved about Domino--it was fun, not stuffy. Real, not staged (well, not overly, any way). And the quiz has an echo of what I loved most about the magazine--the joy of feeling inspired. So have fun, be inspired, and let me know what your style is below.

New Twist on an Old Standby: FireFly Group Events Inspires a New Generation of Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

by Anna Post   

Sword fighting. That's all it took to catch my eye when I first came across FireFly Group Events, a California service specializing in helping to organize your bachelor or bachelorette party. They have numerous options to choose from, from the relaxing to the adventurous. I love the focus on quality time with your friends, not quality time in a bar you might not even remember later. (I live in fear of those little tiaras brides are made to wear!) And for those of you outside their sunny California reach, the site offers great inspiration. 

I like that there focus is on creating memories, not secrets. And if sword fighting isn't your thing, there's also perfume-making, stunt driving, and trapeze lessons. I'll leave you with a few other offerings that sounded fun:

• Spy School – Cocktail Making, Self Defense, & Sword Fighting
• Days of Thunder – Go-Karting & Beer Tasting
• Fishy Pints – Deep Sea Fishing & Beer Tasting
• Cruising Candles – Candle Making & Boat Cruise
• Baking & Basking – Cupcake Decorating & Mini Facial or Massage