What Would Emily Post Do?

Stress-Free Gift Giving at the Holidays

By Anna Post

I wish you all a joyous holiday season! Here area few tips for buying and giving gifts without succumbing to stress.

1. Get their wish list.
   Ask people for hints or even a wish list--you don't need to be a mind reader!
2. Trust your judgment.
   Forget about being afraid the gift isn’t “perfect.” If you think the person will like it, chances are they will.
3. Stick to your budget.
   Spending more than you should takes the fun out of gift giving. There’s nothing more stressful than overspending—and feeling uneasy about it.
4. Buy it when you see it.
   If you’re shopping at the last minute and see a sweater that your mom would love, buy it. It probably won’t be there when you look again.
5. Wrap as you go.
   Get your wrapping supplies together--paper, scissors, tape, tags, and ribbon and bows--and wrap presents as you buy them. This keeps you relaxed the night before a holiday, and keeps prying eyes from getting an early peek!

Happy Holidays!

Bake Off: Gingery Apple Crumb Pie from Real Simple vs. Anna's Classic Apple Pie

By Anna Post

A shake up came to my mom's Thanksgiving table this year. For as long as I can remember, each year at Thanksgiving I've made a classic apple pie. The recipe came from my mom, and has served me well over the years--up until now. After much Vermont apple picking this fall, I've already made it several times, so I broke with tradition this past Thursday to give a new pie a place at the table: Gingery Apple Crumb Pie. It was a huge success! A friend made this recently after reading the recipe in November's Real Simple magazine, and it was divine. Be sure to use the crust recipe--it's easy and it really makes the whole pie come together in a way store-bought dough just doesn't. (One other tip: Freeze your ginger ahead of time if you can--it makes it much easier to grate.)

Even though Thanksgiving is over, the season for warm pies rich with cinnamon and nutmeg is upon us, and I highly recommend you give this gem a try.

Coming to an Airport Near You: Peace, Quiet and Privacy

By Anna Post

 

Ever dreamed of some privacy in the crowded holiday airports? Or perhaps a place to relax and read or get some work done? Delays or scheduled layovers have left all of longing for some peace and quiet in cramped terminals. 3M Privacy Filters, who I've worked with over the past year, have created the opportunity to find just that with AirportPrivacyHavens.com. The site offers a place for frequent flyers to share their favorite quiet spots at airports around the country--and learn a few new ones. After all, it's easier to be a polite traveler when you aren't stressed out!

To help get things started, 3M Privacy Filters has created three Airport Privacy Havens in some of the country's busiest airports this Thanksgiving. Here, travelers can enjoy a quiet corner with free massages and Wi-Fi between 8 am and 5 pm on November 24-25 and 28-29. Locations are:

• Chicago O’Hare International: Terminal 2 near entrance to concourses E & F (through Nov. 30)
• Dallas-Fort Worth International: Terminal C near Gates 2 and 3 (through Nov. 30)
  
  
• John F Kennedy International Airport in New York: Terminal 8 near entrance to American Airline’s Admiral Club (through Dec. 7)

Everyone has their horror story when it comes to air travel. Many have more than one. Was it the time I had three flights in a row canceled? The time I missed a connection in London by minutes and had to stay an extra 24 hours at the Gatwick airport hotel, home to the worst food on Earth? Or perhaps it was the time my carry on bag--yes, carry on--went to San Juan for three days without me after a simple Burlington, Vermont to Washington, D.C. flight. 

But I've also had some unexpected moments of peace and quiet to read or catch up on work at airports around the country. I've found a few favorite spots in tucked away in various terminals--havens I know will offer some privacy from the crowds while I wait for my flight. The rocking chairs in Philadelphia and the big, comfy chairs in Detroit are two favorites, along with the spacious coffee shop seating near the Jet Blue gates in San Francisco's SFO airport. And there's the terrific healthy food cafe (whose name I can never remember) in St. Paul-Minneapolis that feels like a Scandinavian spa.

Do you have a favorite quiet corner at an airport? Share it at AirportPrivacyHaven.com, and find a few new quiet corners while you're at it. Who knows--I might even see you there...

Thanksgiving Table Setting Tips

By Anna Post

The holidays are a time when we gather around the table--a table we sometimes have questions about how to set. Check out all the details about how to set a table at The Emily Post Institute website, or take a look at this everyday table setting video my sister, Lizzie Post, made:

A few other table setting tips:

• Only set out utensils you plan on having your guests use (no soup, no soup spoon)
• Clear away anything from the table you won't need for dessert, such as salt and pepper
• When passing food, offer left, then pass right (it's okay to take a roll for yourself before handing off the basket!)

Being a very organized child, I loved getting to set the table for Thanksgiving each year when I was little. It was exciting to pull out the little-used coffee spoons, dessert forks, and butter knives and assign them each their own spot on the table. I still enjoy this an adult, though more for the artistry of creating a welcoming table than the novelty of using specialty utensils.

Ultimately, I think enjoying each others' company is the most important focus of the day, but a well-set table certainly does make a lovely backdrop. It also shows guests that the occasion, and their presence,  is special enough to warrant some effort.

That being said, Emily Post once said something to the effect of, "I really don't care what fork you use," to which I would only add, "I just hope you use one if gravy is involved."

Intel Survey Says: Tech Etiquette at the Holidays Still Matters

By Anna Post

Early this summer I read the results of a tech etiquette survey that Intel did with Harris Interactive and shared some of my thoughts about it with you. As fate would have it, I was lucky enough to collaborate recently with Intel on their Tech Tea, a press event held in October at the Russian Tea room in New York City.

The focus of the event was to release the results of a second tech etiquette survey done with Harris, this one focusing in part on the etiquette of mobile device use at the holidays, and to invite the press to join in a discussion of technology etiquette. I spoke at the event on a panel with Dr. Genevieve Bell, Intel’s cultural anthropologist (pictured with me, above), about the survey results and tech etiquette in general, and then we opened the discussion to the room.

The survey was a springboard for some great conversation with the press:

• Is it okay to use a use a laptop or cell phone while in a public bathroom? Everyone at the Tech Tea agreed: no way! But a whopping 75 percent of survey respondents thought it was perfectly appropriate.
• Can you use a mobile device during a date? A sensible 60 percent said no, and I agree: Your date deserves all of your attention.
  
  
• Does business today demand you be connected all the time? 55 percent agreed, and I think a number split down the middle like that suggests both a yes and no answer, something I would agree with. It depends on the situation, and on how we choose to react to it.

Dr. Bell nailed it when she said, "The social rules for new technologies are continuing to be established across cultures and geographies around the world, and etiquette will continue to change and adapt over time along with it." I couldn’t agree more, though I do hope we trend away from taking a phone call while in a public bathroom stall!

The Intel survey also took a look at how we use technology around the holidays. Since it’s that time of year, here are a few of the survey results, as well as some extra tips to get you through the season—and ensure you’ll be invited back.

1. Offline etiquette 101: Be on time for family dinners. No one likes waiting while the food gets cold!
   
   
2. To keep airport security lines running smoothly, 36 percent agree you should skip using mobile devices until you clear security. You need to pay attention, and your line-mates will thank you for being ready when it’s your turn.
    
3. No texting or app use at the table! A majority of hosts would be offended to find a guest surreptitiously checking a mobile device under the table. Leave them off and in your coat or bag, and wait until after everyone is up from the table to check your email or the ball game score. Are you the host? It's okay to announce "phones off!" with a smile at the beginning of the meal.
   
   
4. 87 percent agree: Never text or make a call during a religious service. If you really (really, really) must, first discreetly step outside.
   
   
5. Even though 88 percent of respondents say they wouldn’t mind an emailed thank you instead of a handwritten note for a gift, I’m going to hold firm and suggest you pull out the pen and paper: Sometimes the medium is the message, and this one says they and the gift they gave you are worth the time and effort of a personal note. (Though an emailed one is certainly better than none!)

Regifting Advice for the Holidays on the Today Show

This morning I joined Hoda and Kathie Lee on the Today Show to talk about the etiquette of regifting at the holidays.

I'm of two minds on this one--on the one hand, I get it. We're busy, we don't want to be wasteful, we need to economize. Besides, no one will ever know. You hope.

That's where my hesitation comes in--is it worth damaging a relationship with someone to save a little time or money on a gift? And even if you pull it off, it was inherently deceitful, which goes against one of the basic principles of etiquette--honesty.

Personally, I avoid this on a whole. I might regift a bottle of wine (as you can see in the segment, linked above), but that's about it. If you have something extra, or something you can't use, give it (unwrapped) to a friend who might enjoy it, "Sara, I have an extra copy of this book--would you like it?"

If you are going to regift--because sometimes the situation is too perfect not to-- be sure to follow these guidelines:

1. Only regift an item to someone if you truly think they would enjoy it. In other words, don't dump it on them just to get rid of it.

2. Only give items that are new and in their original packaging--nothing unique or handmade.

3. Never regift if you think it might upset either the person who gave the item to you, or the person to whom you are giving, should they find out.

What do you think? Is regifting okay? Have you done it? Do you think you've ever received a "regift"?

(And I can't sign off without telling you how cool it was to see Sigourney Weaver and Bette Midler, who were on the Today Show right before me! These ladies are as gorgeous and poised off camera as they are on.)

Wish List...or Black List This Holiday?

It's all well and good to budget time and money for holiday shopping, but that won't help you one bit if you don't know what to get for someone! Contrary to all the head scratching out there, it is okay to simply ask someone what they'd like. But if you are living in Ron Weasley-like fear of getting another ugly sweater, how do you get the message out yourself about what you'd really like to unwrap this holiday?

Kids have been writing wish lists to Santa Claus for years and years, and now adults are joining in with online wish lists. I'm hearing from a lot of people, though, who are worried it isn't polite to send one on to friends and family. Rest assured that like most technology, it can be a terrific tool if it's used right. It's perfectly fine to create and send an online wish list, so long as you follow a few guidelines:

1. Only forward your wish list to tech-savvy friends and family
2. Keep the list of people you send to to a minimum: people who really would be looking to buy you a gift
3. Ask for reasonably priced things: if it would be too much to ask in person, don't try to slip it into a wish list
4. Send a personal message along with your wish list, letting people know these are suggestions
5. Most importantly: the choice of a gift is always up to the giver in the end

One danger to avoid: letting stores call your friends and family to let them know about your wish list. I spoke with the Wall Street Journal about this issue recently, and had an interesting conversation with the reporter about where the line should be drawn, and why. (Check out the article here.) The bottom list is that letting a store call a loved one about an item you like puts a lot of pressure on them to buy something immediately. And in a holiday already overrun with commercialism, it makes the act of gift giving more of a business transaction by adding a middleman to the mix. If you liked something, let someone know yourself, whether in person, on the phone, or with an e-mailed wish list.

And remember, wish lists are exactly that--a list of wishes, not demands! And the best way for you to keep the holiday spirit alive a little longer is to refrain from checking your own list once it's made--it's the same as peeking in mom's closet!